I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
by lilianthorn
Summary: Since Harry saved Draco's life during the battle of Hogwarts, Narcissa feels she owes Harry something to appease the ancient magics.  Title is from Wordsworth, a poem about daffodils, also called Narcissus, complete sequel is Fallen Flower, Rising Star
1. Chapter 1

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"*

rating: M

pairing: Harry Potter/Narcissa Malfoy (hints of Nar/Lily, HP/DM, Nar/Bella-non-con)

summary: Since Harry saved Draco's life during the battle of Hogwarts, Narcissa feels she owes Harry something to appease the ancient magics.

warnings: underage sexual scenes, incest, mild violence

notes: *the title is the title of a poem by Wordsworth about daffodils which are also called Narcissus. Now that the muse has finished having her way with me I will be going back and fixing errors and re-adding notes and things which I had not known how to add at first. This is the first story I ever posted here, so I deeply appreciate all those wonderful and kind readers who have helped me find my way and given helpful feedback to improve my writing with.

**Chapter 1** "Continuous as the stars that shine..."

The owl had said to meet in the Quidditch museum at two in the afternoon on that Thursday. The message stated that it was vitally important that they talk. Harry found himself rushing through exhibits he normally would have been inclined to linger at, but he was late. He had set out with plenty of time but had gotten lost and berated himself for having never even known there was a Quidditch museum in London, thinking ruefully "where's Hermione when you need her?"

And then he saw her standing alone in front of a cage of small golden fluttering birds(1). The effect was that she looked like she had a halo. That thought made him stifle a snort as he composed himself to greet the mother of his long-time enemy.

"You got my owl. Good." She was wearing a dark green traveling cloak with the hood pulled back to reveal her stately features and a smirk at his out of breath arrival. She clutched a pair of gloves in her hand and Harry thought it unwise to offer his own. He wasn't sure her kind shook hands. Instead he nodded curtly by way of greeting.

She suggested they take a seat at the small cafe by the museum's giftshop. He ordered a soda, she surprised him by ordering a dish of taro ice cream, it's purple color reflecting in the bright blue of her eyes, making them seem nearly violet.

"So, Mrs. Malfoy, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Harry began awkwardly. Again she smirked but then her face became a mask of seriousness as she spoke.

"Draco has told me..." she paused to licked the spoon then whispered, "...everything." Harry was honestly at a loss as to what "everything" she was referring to and blurted out as much. She just smiled indulgently as though she has expected this response. "In the Room of Requirement, Potter, you saved my son's life. That is a deed which cannot go unrewarded. The ancient magics which the Dark Lord so often failed to grasp demand repayment, Potter. I owe you."

She had said all this very matter-of-fact so that it took a moment for Harry's mind to catch up with her words. Narcissa Malfoy owed him? Owed him what? "Well, you covered for me in the Forbidden Forest, so, that makes us even doesn't it?" he offered.

At this she smiled outright and took another spoonful of her desert before responding. "Bella always said you were stupid, but I don't believe it."

"Uh...thanks?" Harry muttered.

"I'm afraid we're not quite, as you say, even, Potter. You see, at that time I acted because you gave me the information that my son was alive and was grateful, so for that score, yes, you could say, we are even. However, later I learned what had actually transpired when Draco went in to kill you, wielding _my_ wand. You performed an act of uncommon mercy then. My son deserved to be left behind, yet you risked your life to save him. You know that were the tables turned, he would not have done likewise. I'm afraid he is his father's son in that regard. But you gave to me the most important thing there is in my life; you saved my son."

Harry was starting to feel uncomfortable hearing such lavish praise heaped on him this way by such an unlikely source. "It's fine," he said, "I don't want anything. I just, I'm glad he's ok." Again with the indulgent smirk. And then words he'd learned to expect in nearly any other situation than this suddenly fell from her lips like bricks:

"You have you mother's eyes..." her voice trailing off wistfully.

"You...?" Harry stammered in disbelief, "You knew my mother?" He was becoming more surprised and confused by the minute. But rather than answer immediately she quickly paid for their treats and asked Harry to go with her somewhere more private to continue their chat.

They went to a deserted corner of the museum and Narcissa startled Harry by firmly wrapping her arm around his waist, pulling him to her and turning on the spot to Disapparate. Just as he felt her body bouncing against his he found her eyes and she found his and that unmistakeable sensation washed over him of having her falling into his eyes like he would into a penseive. He hardly had time to marvel that she could perform Legilimancy mid-Apparation when she began rifling through his most private thoughts and memories quickly finding the very ones he most wished she wouldn't. He didn't even notice that they had stopped somewhere or that she had not released him, so horrified and transfixed was he by the memory she had drawn out into its fullness, playing before both their minds as Harry was helpless to prevent it.

_Harry, fumbling under the sheets at Privet Drive. His mind filled with images of her; Narcissa Malfoy. The way her hips swayed as she mounted the steps to the Top Box at the Quidditch World Cup, the way her eyes burned in Diagon Alley, the fragments of debauched fantasies of his own invention of her losing all composure in his passionate embrace and the flush of shame he'd felt when at the height of his violent orgasm he heard his voice moan her name._

He tore himself away, glaring at her with indignation as he tried to catch his breath. But she just turned away saying, "fascinating."

Before Harry could vent his indignation at her having violated his mind, she had lounged on an ornate red velvet loveseat while aiming her wand at the grill and sparked a fire and said almost wearily, "Alright then Harry Potter, I think I shall entrust to you the full truth." Interested in spite of his mutinous embarrassment and anger he sat down near her and looked to her expectantly.

"Do you know why all the members of the Noble House of Black have been named for celestial entities in living memory, except for myself?"

Harry's mouth opened and closed, he'd really not paid close enough in Astronomy to have noticed. Finally he stammered, "No."

She smiled lazily and said softly, "It was Lily, your mother, who taught me so much. She was a library aide and I must confess I miss those hours in the library whispering over books, staring into her perfect Slytherin-green eyes. Yes, your mother was so beautiful."

Harry gasped and blurted out, " You...fancied my mum?"

Narcissa laughed, "My dear boy, I think at some point or another everyone has fancied your mum, well, except perhaps Albus, liking boys as he did, may he rest in peace."

(1) the birds are Golden Snidgets, which were originally used in place of the later Snitch but which are nearly extinct.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2** "Lilies in the river/Half heart-open to the light"- Goethe "River Lilies"

warnings: femslash, Blackcest, rape

Flashback-

Cissy was moving through the library seeking a private place where Lucius wouldn't find her so she could study for her O.W.L's in peace. She came around the corner just in time to see a tiny girl with red pigtails falling backwards off the top shelf causing the entire shelf to begin to topple towards her. Whipping out her wand, Cissy managed a quick spell to right the shelf but was unable to prevent the sickening crunch as the girl fell on her leg, breaking an ankle.

Immediately Cissy scooped the first-year up in her arms and started off to the Hospital Wing. "Madam Pomfrey!" Cissy bellowed from the door as she quickly moved to place the girl on a nearby bed. Then she looked at her. Cissy had known a great deal of pain growing up and had developed a gut-level reaction to seeing children hurt.

She was surprised to find the little girl looking intently back at her without crying a single tear, though she winced slightly as the ankle was set by a quick swish of Madam Pomfrey's wand.

Cissy sat by her and held her hand.

"I'm sorry you had to rescue you me, I'm so clumsy!" the girl said.

"You're not clumsy, you'd climbed quite high, I think you just lacked...uh...caution." Cissy said encouragingly. The girl smiled and something twisted uncomfortably in Cissy's chest. The places on her neck the girl had clung to were still burning from the soft touch. Cissy guiltily tried not to think about those little hands.

"You're Narcissa Black." the girl said brightly, "I know; you're Sirius' cousin."

"Yes," Cissy replied, "my friends call me Cissy, though."

"I'm Lily. Lily Evans," Cissy was caught up in her eyes. Of course she knew the girl, four months into term and already the young muggle-born witch had made a name for herself for being uncommonly brilliant, kind, and pretty. A quality many pure-bloods considered a kind of crime in their jealousy.

Cissy smiled and took the girl's offered hand saying, "I'm pleased to meet you, Lily."

Later Cissy rubbed her knuckles on her eyes angrily as she couldn't stop herself from thinking about the girl, the way she'd caught a glimpse up her skirt while the ankle was set and her innocent smile. Cissy felt very dirty that night.

Cissy sat bent over her Transfiguration textbook in the hushed library, struggling with the theory she had to write a scroll on when suddenly hot little hands covered her eyes and a soft voice whispered by her ear, "guess who!"

Cissy smiled and turned to see Lily flopping into the chair beside her. She quickly glanced around to be sure no other Slytherins were present then greeted her young friend.

"How's the ankle?" she asked.

"Great! See?" Lily lifted her leg and placed it on Cissy knee at the same time Cissy caught sight of a bit of pink fabric under her skirt which caused a hitch in her throat. She covered her reaction quickly and put Lily's leg back down saying, "good..."

But her breathing was a bit off and she wasn't really hearing the young girl as she chatted amiably about classes and how amazing magic was and how Sevvy had told her but she could never really have been prepared.

No, Cissy's mind had slipped back to a hot summer night just before she had begun at Hogwarts herself when her older sister, Bella had slipped into her bed and told her to hush. Bella had first just held Cissy affectionately but Cissy had felt there was something strange about her sister's uneven breathing. Then Bella slid her fingers into Cissy's panties and slowly and so lightly just stroked her little sister's skin. This had not been the first time.

Cissy had frozen in place, torn between feeling the pleasure of the touch and the nervous tingling that there was something naughty about this, especially when Bella kissed her lips and said before leaving, "Don't tell anyone about this, Cissy! You're mine!" Cissy had felt the absence of Bella's body heat very keenly that night.

Lily's question tore Cissy from her revery, "So do you have a sister?"

Cissy blurted out, "oh...yes. Yes, two actually. Both older." Lily talked for a bit about her sister and how her sister had been mean when Lily turned out to be a witch. Cissy took Lily's hand in hers and said, "I'd never call you names just because you were different, Lily!"

Lily smiled and said she'd like it if Cissy were her sister. Again Cissy couldn't help but remember Bella's touch and thought to herself that she would never sully Lily's innocence that way, no matter how tempted she felt.

For two years the girls had a weekly meeting at the library where they could talk, tell secrets, share stories of their lives. They also saw one another at the Slug Club dinners hosted by their Potions professor, Professor Slughorn. At one such dinner both girls had arrived early at the same time by accident. Professor Slughorn greeted them both warmly saying, "Ah! My two lovely flowers, do come in. Did you know that both of the flowers you are named for has the same narcotic properties? Very useful in Potions!(3)" As Professor Slughorn turned his attention to some detail of preparation of drinks for the girls, Lily whispered to Cissy, "You hear that? We could get drunk on each other. I'll be your red wine if you'll be my white."

Cissy thought the girl couldn't possibly know the implications of her words and must be just joking the way Lily often did. The way Lily's knee brushed hers under the table was a secret torment to Cissy that she bore without showing any sign but which left her body tingling. Lily was almost thirteen, Cissy would be eighteen after the holidays. Cissy felt that Lily was far too young for her to know about Cissy's feelings about her.

At the Slug Club Christmas gathering, Cissy slipped away from Lucius as he strutted and boasted to anyone he felt important enough and snuck a glass of Madam Rosmerta's fine aged mead to Lily who had also taken time away from the awkward and shy boy she had allow to escort her. They were almost concealed by a curtain and fell into their usual rapport, Cissy losing her caution under the influence of the mead. Soon both girls were giggling about nothing when Lily looked up and said, "oh look! Mistletoe!"

Cissy stood up smiling and took Lily's hand so they stood facing each other. She acted like it was just for laughs, she'd meant it to be sisterly affection, but when she lifted Lily's chin and their lips met it was like time stopped. There was a pause where they ought not to have been and they stood, eyes closed and lost in a moment stolen from a world where such things as first kisses couldn't be shared this way.

"Cissy!" Bellatrix's shrill voice cut through the sweet haze like a dementor showing up. Cissy whirled around to see her sister glaring at her murderously. She instinctively moved to shield Lily, but Bella caught this movement and quickly backhanded Cissy, knocking her to the floor.

Cissy felt blood on her cheek where Bella's raven-head ring had cut her. "Run Lily!" she gasped and spat blood. Lily ran but looked back to see Cissy crying, being yanked up by her hair as Bella shrieked something about "fraternizing with filth" and "telling mum."

Bella dragged Cissy from the room and found an empty classroom, casting a quick muffliato then flicking her wand and ropes wrapped around Cissy's wrists and pulled her up on her toes, attaching themselves to the chandelier overhead. Another thicker rope wrapped around her mouth forcing itself between her teeth as a gag.

Bella's cold taunting voice rang eerily in the quiet, "You've been a very bad girl, Cissy! Didn't I tell you? You're mine!" She smirked as she approached Cissy whose eyes were wide as she struggled in vain against the ropes which held her upright. A flash of silver was all Cissy saw but her dress was very suddenly falling off and a fine line of burning pain erupted across her chest. Her head was pinned between her upraised arms so she couldn't look down to see the damage, but she heard her sister's dangerous laughter before feeling a hot tongue gliding along the cut.

"If you needed some...attention, Cissy, you could have told me, I can give you what you need you know..." Bella's voice was taking a cruel and mocking tone, the kind she usually reserved for people she considered beneath her. In Cissy's mind she was screaming, "but I'm your sister!"

She had little time to think though before she felt Bella touching her again and this time, Bella was not gentle. She yanked Cissy's panties off her and jabbed three fingers deep into Cissy. The sheer sharpness and depth of the pain shocked Cissy so much she could only gasp, tears springing to her eyes and spilling down her cheeks.

Bella was thrusting into her roughly, her sharp, pointed fingernails tearing into Cissy while Bella's other hand began kneading one breast firmly. Cissy squeezed her eyes shut and screamed against the rope between her teeth. She would lose her mind, she was sure no one could endure pain like this. It seemed to fill her insides with a burning ice and an agonizing throb.

Just when she was beginning to get acclimated to the rhythm and shape of the agony, her sister slipped her thumb onto Cissy's clit and stroked, the pleasure was as sharp as the pain and again Cissy felt like her mind was falling off kilter into some sideways world where nothing made sense. Bella sucked on Cissy's lower lip poking from under the gag and Cissy could only moan.

Then somewhere in Cissy's mind it was as though she saw a far off light that was rushing towards her like an oncoming train. Her body tensed and her legs trembled. Bella felt the shift and moved her hand from Cissy's breast to her throat squeezing firmly until stars swam before Cissy's vision, even with her eyes shut. She felt the impact of her orgasm hit her like a trainwreck, leaving her wracked with pain, pleasure, shame, terror and shock.

Her whole body ached as she felt Bella's touch withdraw and she finally ventured to open her eyes which burned from crying so much. She saw Bella sitting casually on a nearby desk licking Cissy's blood, the blood of her virginity off her fingers and smirking. Finally Bella flicked her wand and Cissy collapsed to the floor like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

Everything went black.

Black as her name. Black as her sister's eyes. Black as she wanted her heart to become as she wanted never to feel anything again ever but to slip into the blackness that was enfolding her and never come back out.

Through a haze she felt strong hands and a soft sheet. She heard voices hushed nearby and sensed more than saw the subdued lighting of the Hospital Wing.

"Albus! She's not just been raped, she's been tortured! But who could have done such a thing?"

"I can't say for certain, Poppy, but if my suspicions are correct, the perpetrator has already, as they say, left the building."

For months Lily spent night after night at the library hoping to see Cissy, but Cissy never showed up. Whenever Lily saw her in the halls it seemed that Cissy had been attached to Lucius Malfoy with a permanent sticking charm, her head down and seeming oblivious to all around her. Lily was worried.

Finally in May Lily got a funny sensation in her chest, like falling off a branch of a tree like she used to climb as a kid and found Cissy standing alone in an empty classroom, staring at the center of the room blankly.

"Cissy..." Lily whispered and ran to hug the older girl.

Cissy looked up wearily and didn't resist the hug. She was surprised then that after months of numbness that she would feel a sudden hot wetness on her face and realize she was sobbing into Lily's hair and clinging to the smaller girl like a drowning person holding into a life preserver.

"Lily, oh, Lily..." Cissy cried, "I'm to be married, in June, right after graduation." Lily slowly drew back and looked at Cissy with a pained look.

"I know...Lucius Malfoy. The Death Eater. I know, Cissy...I know what it means, what I am in your world. I'm so sorry! I never meant you to be hurt." Lily was struggling with tears of her own. "I've liked you since the first, I just didn't know how to tell you, I never thought you might like me back!"

"I did, Lily. I did, from the very first moment, but I couldn't bear to steal your innocence! You were eleven, Lily! Just a child! I felt so filthy, no, it's me who's sorry. I am a Black, I knew the consequences." Cissy gushed.

"Not so innocent..." Lily smiled through her tears, rubbing them away. "Cissy, I know this is the end, but do one thing for me, please?"

"Anything."

"Kiss me for real."

Narcissa Black kissed Lily Evans until both girls couldn't see clearly and with a heart like black ice cracking under spike heeled shoes, Cissy pulled herself away and walked resolutely out of that classroom and into her life of duty.

(3) both narcissus and bush lilies contain the neurotoxin Lycorine


	3. Chapter 3

"For oft, when on my couch I lie"

Harry glanced around the room at their surroundings, it was not a large house, but probably bigger than 12 Grimmauld Place. It was also in better repair and somehow brighter; warmer. He asked, "Mrs. Malfoy...erm...where exactly are we?"

Narcissa kicked off her shoes and said casually, "We are in the house of my fathers, Harry Potter." Something in her tone reminded him suddenly of Sirius. He had thought her as proud of her pure-blood status as her husband and son and was startled to see something akin to disdain in her attitude.

"The Noble House of Black" Harry said softly, almost wistfully as he recalled the brief happy time he'd had with his godfather.

"Toujours Pur" Narcissa answered. "Words do have power, Harry. Only in recent generations have the old families devolved into such a crude understanding of their own mottoes. For instance, the Malfoy motto is 'Sanctimonia Vincet Sempur' but few Malfoys today even realize that the purity in 'purity always reigns' has nothing to do with blood, but refers to moral purity. Again, the old magics that are so often lost over time and yet still influence our lives in tangible ways."

Harry thought about what she was saying. He looked out a window at the breezes blowing in the field of bright yellow flowers beside the house. Shivers of gold like millions of Golden Snitches waved cheerfully for as far as the eye could see.

"So, what happens then when wizards from these old families become, you know, bad?" Harry asked as gingerly as he could hoping not to offend with the suggestion that he knew was implicit in the question.

But she merely smiled and said, "Either the magic must be redeemed or the family dies out. Some old families have such a terrible blood curse that they lose their magic altogether. That is why in this day and age the most powerful magic lives not in the old families, but in half-bloods. The magical gene is quite responsive to redemption though. I personally believe that is why it keeps spontaneously mutating itself into muggle-borns. Far from being a scourge on the Wizarding world, people like your mother are indeed, our salvation." As she spoke these words she slid the tip of her wand down her own leg from her knee to very close to her hip and finally fixing Harry with a stare that suggested that her mind was actually light-years from the topic she was explaining so patiently.

He wasn't quite ready to take the bait, however and said, "Hold on, if you know that, then why does Draco think muggle-borns are scum?"

Narcissa sighed heavily and rolled over onto her stomach tracing circles on the rug that left dancing blue sparks in their wake. "You must understand, if I spoke against my husband I could not have raised Draco at all. I understand Severus entrusted his secret to you, well, he's not the only one who played the part only too well."

Suddenly she looked at him again and this time he was surprised at the softness her featured had taken on, she looked for the moment almost girlish. "Tell me, Harry," she said thickly, "is that really what you want?" She stood up and began sauntering towards him, letting her hair down and she approached. "Because if so, you've made this so much easier for me."

A quick flick of her wand and his jeans unzipped themselves. Harry wished he wasn't so easily stimulated as the sway of her hips was making his response quite plain. She knelt carefully in front of him and tugged his boxers and jeans halfway down to his knees with ease and raised one eyebrow at the eager member that had sprung so happily from its constraint. She wasted no time but took it in her hand and began to suck on him.

He meant to say, "Mrs. Malfoy, I don't think this is a good idea" but all that would come out of his mouth was "dum-duh-hummina-dar." The sensation of the heat of her mouth, her swirling tongue, her tightly gripping fingers at the base and the sight of her doing something he'd never even dared imagine was nearly too much. He felt an end coming along all too soon and with momentous effort managed to pull her away and pant, "No..no...not this way."

She looked hurt as she wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. She looked at the floor while Harry fixed his trousers. Finally she said in a questioning tone, "You don't want me?"

Harry was taken aback, "I'm sorry?" he gasped staring at the woman who suddenly seemed more vulnerable and sad than he'd ever seen a woman look. She noticed the bulge in his pants evaporated immediately when he saw tears swimming in her eyes. She found that odd as Lucius had always been aroused by her feeling wretched.

Harry knelt in front of her and with a tenderness she'd not felt since his mother's hands, he stroked her face and said, "I want you very much, Narcissa Malfoy. I want you so much it hurts. But I can't use you, not like this. Let me know you, let me care for you, then if you feel the same, I will love you most certainly."

Narcissa was speechless with surprise. She met his eyes and said again, "You really do have her eyes, you know"

And then softly, tentatively, and sweetly, he simply held her. It was the strangest day he'd known since he first heard the words, "you're a wizard, Harry."

"And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils."

When one has been steeled against the chill for so long that one is numb, a sudden heat can burn. When one has lived frozen inside for years, a sudden kindness, an overwhelming sweetness can undo the strongest person. Narcissa had intended to seduce Harry. She knew how to attend to the needs of men as Lucius had used her often and Bella had Narcissa service her husband as well, since Bella found the whole male thing supremely distasteful. Between those two, Narcissa had come to see sex as inherently mingled with humiliation and degradation.

Never had a man touched her with the tenderness that Harry was showing now. And that tenderness was her undoing. She sobbed hard as she had not done in many years. Not since that last spring day so long ago with Lily had Narcissa cried like this. Years of pain just began to unravel in his arms and she was helpless to explain her grief.

Harry was flustered asking what was wrong, what he could do, wanting in any way to make her all better and not understanding her pain. And then he had a sudden flash of Dobby exhibiting the same undoing at Harry's kindness and he understood. He realized what Narcissa had been living through. That in the old wizarding families, sometimes "wife" was nearly synonymous with "house elf." The main difference being that house elves do enjoy servitude and usually weren't used for sex, though Harry had sometimes wondered about the relationship Barty Crouch had had with his elf, Winky.

After some time her tears ran out and she rested against Harry's chest. He just kept stroking her hair and back. Finally she hiccuped and said, "sorry...I don't know what came over me." Harry took her face in his hands and said, "Narcissa, for how long have you been so totally alone?" She couldn't answer.

He pulled her back to his chest and said, "Relax here, I'll hold you for as long as you want me to." In time she relaxed and then they had a simple supper together. Narcissa knew she'd be expected back at Malfoy Manor soon so she excused herself to clean herself up. They decided to meet again in two days and just see where things might go.

Dinner at Malfoy Manor was a grim affair that night. Draco was sullen, Lucius whiny, and after her emotional day, Narcissa just did not have the patience to deal with them. She excused herself early for a long hot soak in her tub and curled up with a book before drifting off to sleep.

She dreamed of a golden stag regally strutting through a wooded glade and watched as its horns turned into feathers and suddenly it was a phoenix spreading its wings and with a long forlorn cry rising into the sky. She awoke crying but was not sure why.

Harry was already smiling when he saw her. Narcissa had her hair pulled off her neck and wore a partial veil, looking very proper and Harry couldn't help but feel like he had a secret privilege to have seen her uncomposed. It was a secret he was inclined to cherish.

They traveled back to her parents' oceanside cabin. This time she led him out to the field on the hillside by the house which was heavily perfumed with daffodils and the warm late-Spring sun overhead gave the impression that they walked, hand in hand in a golden daydream. At a small boulder, Narcissa raised her wand and whispered a phrase causing the rock to slide out of the way revealing a steep marble staircase with rock walls lined with sconces that lit themselves as they passed.

A shimmering blue light appeared at the end of the passage which Harry soon found was a huge underground swimming pool. Another flick of Narcissa's wand and the ceiling transformed itself into a clear night sky with a full moon rising and the occasional falling star.

Harry smiled in wonder. Magic never really could get old after all. Narcissa moved towards a small building beside the white marble pool and said, "changing rooms are in here, Harry.

"oh, right." and he followed her lead. She disappeared into one side after gesturing towards the other curtain and he went in to find a variety of sizes of men's swim trunks presenting themselves to him like fussy help staff at an upscale clothing boutique. He balked at the speedos and thongs, finally he chose a plain navy blue pair of shorts that he felt would be comfortable without feeling too revealed.

When he emerged, Narcissa was standing before him in a black suit that shimmered subtly like some deep luminescent sea creature. The effect was very pleasing, if a bit distracting. Towels followed them in midair and dropped themselves on an ornate glass table with two wrought iron chairs beside it. Harry took off his glasses and laid them carefully beside the towels and followed Narcissa to the pool.

It was a warm day but the water in the pool was absolutely perfect. Somehow both cooling, yet warm and soothing. "This is great!" Harry exclaimed in awe.

"I'm glad you like it." Narcissa crooned. She dived beneath the surface making her nearly invisible to Harry without his glasses and swan around him, popping up when he was turned away and splashing him playfully. He laughed. She dared him, "catch me, Harry!"

He began to swim around trying to follow the blurry form and the sound of her splashes, finally he caught her around her waist and pulled her close. "Gotcha." He grinned at her. "Now I can see you." He pushed the wet hair back from her face and studied her features a moment. She slipped her arms around his neck and he lifted her legs, easily carrying her in the water.

He spun her around so the the water smoothed her hair away from her forehead as she lay back in the water. Soon they were laughing together and a feeling arose in Narcissa that reminded her of the first time she had held the wand that chose her at Ollivanders. A warm rush of energy that seemed to fill her right to the tips of her ears. Looking up she saw the ceiling was now putting on a dramatic meteor shower for their enjoyment.

Harry slowly lowered her legs and after watching the lights overhead turned to watch them in her eyes. His hands rested on her waist and he glided them both near the edge of the pool. She noticed him staring at her and asked, "what is it?"

He said, "you really are beautiful."

There was no guile in his eyes. No craftiness or disdain, no tricks or cruelty. She thought of the rush of magic she had felt and could almost hear Dumbledore's voice saying, "it's love, Narcissa."

Her lips parted as she looked back at Harry, feeling his appreciative gaze taking in every detail of her face, her neck, her arms and hands. Finally he stood very close to her and leaned in slowly and kissed her.


	4. Chapter 4

"And the lily whispers, "I wait.""

(From Tennyson's "Come into the Garden, Maud")

Wet lips opened under Harry's and a hot tongue drew him in. Narcissa's body was pressed against him and even in the cool water he felt the heat spreading in his groin. She wrapped her legs around his waist and ground against him as they ravished each others' mouths with hungry kisses. Then he was kissing down her neck and stroking her hair and her nails raked down his back. They moved back until her back was pressed against the pattern of water lilies carved along the edges of the pool, but she felt nothing except his burning touch and the desire that rushed in so swiftly she couldn't catch her breath.

And then suddenly she wasn't breathing, she was falling down a long black tunnel and ice was closing over her and she froze. Harry felt the change immediately and pulled back alarmed to see her staring blindly into space and shivering like a tiny leaf in a gale wind. As though the water had for her, and her alone, become cold. He quickly scooped her out of the water and carried her to the cabana, the midnight blue fluffy towels following and wrapping themselves around her shivering body.

He found a room with a bed and pulled off her damp swimsuit and got her under the thick blankets, rubbing her arms and calling softly to her. Maybe two or three minutes had past when she gasped and looked at him. She was disoriented and visibly shaken.

"I'm sorry" she blurted out.

Harry couldn't believe his ears, "There's nothing to apologize for, Narcissa, are you alright?"

"I don't know, I feel like I'm losing my mind."

Harry got up and changed shorts and laid down beside her to keep her warm. He said thoughtfully, "Once, after I saw Voldemort's return, I had something happen like that. It was the summer after Cedric was murdered and I came downstairs and I guess something from the television reflected in the dining room window but I saw a flash of green and the next thing I knew I had collapsed, rigid and shivering on the spot. I felt like I was dying, like I was falling through the world and couldn't find the bottom. I managed to get into my bed and stayed there for I don't know how long."

She looked at him, "Yes," she whispered, "That's how it felt."

Harry traced a finger down the side of her face lightly and said, "So, if it was Cedric's murder that I was reminded of, then I'm guessing you were reminded of something. Narcissa, who hurt you?"

Suddenly she couldn't speak. She might as well have been hit with a languelock jinx, but she could only purse her lips and shake her head.

Harry looked around and noticed that the motif of lilies and roses were everywhere; in the comforter, the headboard, the carving table legs. He asked, "Did you design this place?"

She could speak again, "Yes. The summer of my 5th year at Hogwarts I came home. One night I went out to the yard and this space opened up to me. The password is Nymphaea Alba, it's the name for water lilies."

"You didn't just fancy my mum...you loved her." It was not a question, love was woven into every detail of this purely magical space. Like a Room of Requirement made entirely of Narcissa's heart, it was all her purest feelings, locked securely beneath the surface of the golden daffodils. Locked away from the House of Black and its celestial bodies whirling overhead.

Harry realized with a start that this beautiful women before him was a near total mystery. He didn't know hardly anything about her, but he wanted to.

"Alright, you can talk when you're ready, instead, how about I tell you about my life?" Harry suggested to give her time to feel less scrutinized.

"Okay," she smiled and settled into his arms to listen.

"Did you know I was raised in my mum's sister's house?"

"Petunia?" Narcissa gasped, "Oh! That must have been dreadful!" He was getting used to the fact that she knew about his family.

"Well, you know, it was no picnic, she wasn't exactly happy to get landed with the likes of me." He offered ruefully.

"Did you hate them?"

"Oh! Um...no, I mean, maybe a bit when I was a kid but you know in comparison to Voldemort, I guess they seemed just kind of sad, really. Scared people. I felt sorry for them. I lived in a broom closet though from the time I was one until I was nearly eleven. And I think I learned to duck about the time I learned to walk, my cousin Dudley was fond of using me as a target. But you know, you kind of get accustomed to that kind of thing, it doesn't seem strange after long enough"

Narcissa nodded, she understood only too well what he was saying. Finally she said very softly, "My sister, Bella, she wasn't terribly kind either." Harry could hear Bellatrix Lestrange catcalling "I killed Sirius Black!"

"Yeah," he said, "I met her." He was beginning to get the sense that the Black family closet had more than a few boggarts in it.

"When we were young," she began tentatively, "I thought she was the prettiest girl in the world."

Harry couldn't help himself, "I'm sure she could be a real charmer, if, you know, you happen to like homicidal maniacs."

Narcissa began to laugh and so did Harry. The complete absurdity and tragedy that both their lives had known was suddenly hilarious. Maybe because otherwise they'd be in despair, they laughed until both had tears streaking their faces. Then sat breathless gazing at each other.

Narcissa sat up and slipped an arm around Harry and very deliberately kissed him. "Let's try again, then, shall we?"

He pulled the covers back and admired her lithe form, the honey gold curls inviting him to peek between her legs, the soft pooch of a tummy, the pinkness of her nipples, everything was maddeningly beautiful to him. They kissed again and she pulled off his shorts. They lay pressed together and kissing every part of each other within reach when Harry pushed up and looked down at her.

"Mrs. Malfoy," he said solemnly, "I do hope you'll forgive me, but I'm going to do something disrespectful to your husband."

"And what is that?"

"I'm going to make love to you." he said simply.

She sighed and laid her head back onto the pillow and whispered, "oh! Please do!"


	5. Chapter 5

"The red rose cries, "She is near, she is near;"

And the white rose weeps, "She is late;""-Tennyson

Draco lay in the early morning chill, his stomach tight from waiting and his body tense from listening. The sky was swirling it's hue from indigo to silvery pearl-like clouds and birds had begun their morning songs and still she had not come. Thoughts had played with his mind for a time; rationalizing, bargaining, nonsensical thought to make her absence somehow OK. Thoughts that maybe she'd come home late and for the first time in his memory had chosen to share his father's bed. He even entertained the notion that some tragic accident had happened and she'd been hurt and an owl from St. Mungos would be shortly forthcoming.

Deep down, he knew. He knew his mother only too well and since she was four years old she had faithfully stayed by her son's side every night as though she believed still in boogeymen that Draco himself had long since forsaken. Every night she had staked an unswerving watch for terrors in the night which might somehow get her son. Until this night.

Draco himself didn't feel any need for protection, but fifteen years of having his mother share his bed like some fierce feral mother who saw danger lurking behind every shadow, he knew there were demons in her life about which he knew little. He knew his mother only too well. Having heard her nightmare-fueled cries, having felt her tremble in her sleep only to so perfectly replace the mask of serenity upon waking that to his mind, he almost had two mothers.

And tonight, he couldn't shake the feeling that one of them was in danger. He was wondering which one when he heard it; the sound that froze his mind and body. Her soft bare feet padding swiftly towards his door, the door closing behind her and the soft rustle of fabric as she finally crawled into her place by his side in the bed. He felt the cool cloth of her nightgown and knew she had only just put it on. So she had not been with his father. She had been out somewhere. He was unsure whether to be happy or angry to find her perfectly fine, just later than she'd ever been.

He turned to her. Blue eyes locked on blue and she gasped in surprise.

"Mother," he began softly, "Where have you been?"

"Shh, Draco. We'll talk later. Not now. Please!" Her eyes pleaded with him to ignore her tardiness and he softened looking at her. He knew his mother. He sighed and mumbled, "Fine. Later."

Narcissa heard the unspoken promise that Draco would not mention this to his father and she snuggled up behind her son in gratitude and felt the old rush of protective affection for him. Almost habitually, like a prayer, she whispered, "No one will ever touch you, my son. I'll protect you!"

What does protecting me protect you from, Mother? Draco thought as he let himself drift off to sleep.

Lucius sat sipping his coffee and reading the Daily Prophet when Narcissa and Draco came to the breakfast table. Narcissa picked at her poached egg and toast while Draco ate a plate of belgium waffles with whipped cream and fresh berries.

As always, Lucius called out bits of news over the table obscuring his face.

"Oh, isn't this just rich," he seethed, "Arthur Weasley has been made Minister of Magic! What is this world coming to?"

"It's normal for political pendulums to swing, Father, I expect that it'll be soon enough that people come to their senses." Draco offered simply. Part of him believed it, but there was a part of him that had been so disgusted with the Voldemort regime that inwardly he couldn't help but wonder if change could be good, even for him. He knew his father would never understand and wasn't about to try to explain.

He thought his mother seemed unusually quiet and glancing at her found her looking as though for once the mask of superiority was taking a toll on her.

"Another funeral this afternoon." Lucius offered sounding far too cheerful.

"Whose?" asked Narcissa.

"The werewolf and his wife." Lucius answered with a mocking sneer. Her fork dropped to her plate with a clatter and Draco looked up at her in surprise.

"I'm going." She said, her voice wavering with what seemed like surprise even at herself.

"What?" Lucius hissed? "You intend to actually show your face amongst that sort? Have you lost your mind?"

"Nymphadora was my niece, Lucius dear." She gritted her teeth making her sound as if she thought him anything but "dear".

"I'll join you, mother." Draco said simply. It was time for him to make his place in the new Wizarding world and he had enough political savvy to know when it was time to show a new face. He recalled being mocked by Voldemort about his cousin and asked if he'd babysit the "puppies". Yes, it was right, it was time to distance himself not just in image, but in mindset. He ought to know his family, the family that was bigger than Death Eaters versus Order of the Phoenix. It was time to join the world.

The sun was mockingly bright over the small crowd of mourners dressed in black. Initially Harry had been grateful that the nhewly reformed Ministry had insisted that the funerals from the War of Hogwarts be spread out one per weekend so that each family could have they're service undisturbed, but by the 8th weekend of funerals, Harry was growing weary of it. The funerals had become the only times he left Grimmauld Place except for the last few days with Narcissa, but no one else knew that.  
He greeted Ron and Hermione as usual. Ginny had not been seen since Fred's funeral, nor had George, they both had taken it rather hard and Ron kept Harry apprised on they're progress. Ginny was at least eating now, though still spending most of her time brooding. George however apparently had joined the Hogwart's reconstruction team. Harry thought that sounded promising.  
As the croud gathered around the fresh double grave and the attendants were hovering the caskets in, Ron suddenly muttered under his breath beside Harry, "Oh bloody hell! What are THEY doing here?" Harry glanced up to see a familiar tall blond boy and beside him a figure that made his stomach flutter.  
A murmur passed through the croud. The coffins lowered, the earth moved to over them and the attendants were placing the headstones, but most of the attention had shifted to the two figures approaching. When the officiator began to speak, however, most people turned back to listen. The two figures that had caused such a stir kept a respectful distance at first, heads down and clearly intending to pay their respects.  
After a moving speech, most of the crowd had wet eyes, especially Harry. He wiped his nose on his sleeve awkwardly and pulled off his glasses for a moment to wipe his eyes. Just then a neat pale hand passed a handkerchief to him silently. Harry looked up to thank his benefactor and was startled to see a face that even blurry was instantly recognizable.  
Harry hesitated, but Draco said softly, "please, Harry, just take it." So he did and replacing his glasses he saw no hostility or mocking in those clear blue eyes. Only concern and genuine solemnity was apparent on Draco Malfoy's face.

"Thank you," he said simply still dabbing at his eyes.

There was a bright flash and a pop and nearby a shrill and obscenely cheerful voice drawled, "Sister reunited! How...moving..." A acid green quill and a notebad floated beside the obnoxious witch who was standing beside Andromeda Black-Tonks and Narcissa Black-Malfoy who had just been interrupted in a tearful hug. Both witches looked at Rita Skeeter with a look of purest Skeeter was used to the jeers and plowed on mercilessly, "So, tell me Narcissa, how do you think your dead sister Bellatrix would feel seeing you here amongst this sort? Hmm?" she simpered suggestively. Narcissa merely turned her back on her and led Andromeda to a nearby table with refreshments still filling themselves and to a chair that had just materialized for them.  
But it was Harry who stepped forward.

"Bugger off, Skeeter" he shouted at her. "And I mean that literally or I know someone with a jar with your name on it."  
Rita rounded on Harry, so fixed was she on getting some scoop. "Harry! What a surprise! Oh but word has it you're an old hand at funerals. How many has it been this year?"  
Harry tried not to let her get to him, but he couldn't resist the memory that intruded, the high cold voice amplified through every mind at Hogwarts, "Harry, tonight you have let your friends die for you..." Harry felt his face grow hot and new tears stung his eyes. To his surprise it was Draco who took his arm and led him away saying reassuringly, "ignore her, Harry, just ignore it."  
Skeeter feigned shock, "My, my the world certainly has changed, Draco!"  
Draco spat back at her, "yeah, it has, why don't you?"  
Again Harry could only say, "thanks" Then Ron and Hermione showed up and Draco slipped away to his mother and Harry looked after him. It hit him as strangely incongruous, like a bad joke almost, he thought; I shagged Malfoy's mum! For a moment he felt confused. It had seemed so simple there in her secret oasis away from the world, but standing here with Ron and Hermione he suddenly felt embarassed and alientated. Of course he couldn't tell them, Ron would likely puke. Maybe he could try Hermione later.

But the sliver of dread had pricked his mind, 'I'm having an affair with a married woman! What the hell am I doing?' he thought in horror. He looked over at her still sitting with her sister, they were holding hands. Harry felt conflicted.


	6. Chapter 6

"Beginning to faint in the light that she loves

On a bed of daffodil sky,"-Tennyson

Sarcasm oozed from every syllable as Lucius rustled the Daily Prophet and sneered, "Oh, Excellent work, Draco, you've gone and made the paper! I do hope you're pleased with yourself." He thrust the headline and picture under Draco's nose. Draco turned paler than usual and fled from the room.

Narcissa picked up the paper as Lucius paced in disgust. She looked at it, covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a little scream of shock and rage. Then she swore and added, "someone ought to put that Skeeter cow out to pasture!"

At the same time across town Harry was at brunch with Hermione and Ron. Hermione had been trying to prepare Harry for it, but he finally just took the paper from her and looked while Run fidgeted nervously.

There in a bold headline was the title:

FAIRY POTTER?

With a photograph of Draco leading Harry by the arm which had been framed in just such a way as to make it look as though they were a couple.

Ron piped up, "Well, it's not true, is it? I mean, he's a bloke!"

Hermione looked at Ron in disgust, "Of course it's not true, Ron, don't be daft! Skeeter just wanted to get back at Harry for keeping her from harassing Andromeda and her sister!"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Yeah, Ron, that was the first time I'd seen Draco since the war, it was as much a shock to me as anyone to see him there!"

"Harry hasn't left Grimmauld Place in ages, have you Harry?" Hermione added.

Harry felt his face flush a bit and said softly, "uh...yeah, uh...mostly." The three had an amiable brunch and were about to head out when Hermione grabbed Harry's hand. She waited until Ron had dis-Apparated then turned to Harry.

"You're hiding something. Can you tell me?"

Harry studied her face a long time deciding then said, "Yeah, um, come to my place with me and we can talk."

They arrived together at Grimmauld Place to Kreacher bowing low offering to get tea. "Thanks, Kreacher, but we've just eaten, Hermione and I are just going to the library."

"As you wish, Master."

Harry made sure the door was closed tightly and cast a silencing charm before he sat down on the couch by Hermione. "I have been seeing someone Hermione," he began nervously, refusing to look her in the face, "just, not, you know, Draco..."

Hermione raised an eyebrow, "Go on," she coaxed.

"Promise you won't laugh." Harry insisted, "but, it's a secret...I'm...I'm, uh...I'm seeing Narcissa Malfoy."

Hermione snickered, "You're joking!" Then seeing his face the smile died on her lips and her eyes widened, "You're not joking! Oh, Harry! But she's married!"

"I know...I just, I dunno, it's complicated. Hermione, I think I'm really falling for her!"

Hermione took a deep breath and thought for a minute in silence. Harry went on to explain about the things Narcissa had told him about redeeming magic and that she'd loved Harry's mother. He didn't go into detail after that but she got the idea.

After a long silence, Hermione said, "You have to break this off, Harry. Lucius is not someone who'd go easy on someone being with his wife!"

"I'm more scared for her than me, Hermione." He said softly. "You won't tell Ron?"

"Harry, I'm not about to be the one to break it to Ron that after dating his sister you moved on to Draco's mum, somehow I don't think he'd be too happy." She fixed him with that look that said she thought he had made a terrible mistake. Not since he'd neglected his egg during the Tri-wizard Tournament had he felt her disapproval so acutely.

Right, he thought after she left. I'll just break it off, it's for the best.

Somehow though that seemed so much easier alone in the library at Grimmauld Place than face to face with her at the oceanside cabin. As soon as their eyes met they were kissing. He had his arms around her guiding her to the bedroom. All thoughts of danger or propriety got lost in the heat of her mouth, the softness of her skin while he swiftly stripped off her dress as she tore off his clothes, and the taste of her sex when he buried his face beneath the golden hair like fine spun sugar. Her moans and gasps were a perfect symphony to his ears and he felt his passion growing with each kiss, lick, and nibble.

She gasped and grappled with his shoulders pulling him up to her. He moved up and her legs twined around his waist, pulling him down onto her as she licked her own fluid from his mouth. He plunged deep into her and her back arched pressing her breasts into his chest. She clung to his neck and they moved in concert like tree branches in a storm.

"Narcissa," Harry moaned.

She whispered in his ear, "I think I love you, Harry" He looked at her face in surprise and saw tears slip out of her eyes, slide down her temples and into her hair splayed like cotton candy on the pillow. At that moment he would do anything to keep her from harm.


	7. Chapter 7

author note:

firstly, to all who have read and reviewed; THANK YOU! XOXO, you make my day! *_*

next: I do apologize for the struggles I am having with editing and formatting, the way I move the document from place to place to get the document into an uploadable format has messed with me a bit and complicated things that should be easy. So please bear with me as I attempt to get things sorted out in a timely fashion.

also: someone had asked how much canon: I try to keep my writing as canon-compatible as possible, the only thing in this story that will not be compatible most likely is the book's epilogue as I'm not sure I ever have any intention of putting Harry with Ginny. *shrug* So this is within a couple months of the War of Hogwarts and so no one is yet settled into their later situations. The other thing is that while I describe Narcissa according to book-canon, my inspiration for all characters is movie-canon. So if you can picture that, so much the better.

that said, let us keep on with our story, shall we?

Chapter 7

"I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,"

The pressure in the room was like a balloon about to be popped, but no one had the nerve to face the noise it would cause so all three Malfoys sat silently around the breakfast table waiting for anyone else to make the first move. Secrets were nothing new. Lies laid thick over every surface like a coating of dust that had never been swept away but gathered in corners threatening to obscure the world if disturbed.

Lucius finished his coffee, its bitterness was a strange comfort to him and swept from the room like a fog rolling out to sea. Immediate Narcissa relaxed visibly. She turned to her son and said, "Will you go with me today? I've said we'll visit my sister."

Draco looked at her for a moment, again she'd not gotten in until dawn, but he did not say anything about this. "Yeah, ok" he said, "I'll go."

"You know, it's about time you saw your godson, Harry," Hermione was pleading with him to get out more, hoping seeing 'normal' people as she had put it would help him decide to stop seeing Mrs. Malfoy. "Ron and I saw him just last week and he's already grown so much!"

"I know, Hermione," Harry began, "it's just, when I think of going I picture Lupin and Tonks laying side by side in the Great Hall and somehow I just can't face him."

"Harry, you're being silly, he's a baby, it's not like he'll be demanding an explanation, but if you don't get to know him then when he gets to be a teenager you can be sure he'll have loads of issues with you!"

"Alright, alright, you'll go with me?" Harry gave in. She practically dragged him out the door and dis-Apparated on the step.

As Harry and Hermione went to knock at the screen door, Harry saw her hair; Narcissa was sitting at Andromeda's table. His heart gave a little jolt. A woman with soft brown hair appeared at the door and welcomed them in with hugs.

"Mrs. Tonks," Harry sputtered nervously.

"Oh, call me 'Dromeda, everyone does, come in, come in, I'll get tea, I trust you know my sister and nephew?"

There was an awkward moment when Harry looked at Draco sitting at the kitchen table, he had been entirely engrossed in the tiny baby in his arms, smiling at the chubby fist waving at him before finally looking up and meeting Harry's gaze. It was like looking into Narcissa's eyes.

Narcissa herself had kept her eyes squarely on the sugar-bowl and was smiling politely.

Harry went over to Draco and knelt down to see the baby. The little boy had brilliant cobalt hair and pink eyes, his mouth was curled so it resembled a turtle. The effect was both funny and cute. He could see why Draco was smiling. Draco offered to let Harry hold him a bit so Harry pulled up a chair beside Draco and the two of them leaned together to entertain little Teddy.

'Dromeda gushed, "well, look at that! and people think boys aren't good with kids, they're both naturals!" and then addressed Draco and Harry, "I bet you'll both make excellent fathers someday!" Harry grinned and said "thanks" but Draco's smile faded and he murmured something inaudible.

The seating arrangement had inadvertently placed Hermione right next to Narcissa and after a small awkward silence they both spoke at once. Then promptly stopped and said in unison, "you first." Neither could help smiling then and Narcissa said, "I don't believe we've been properly introduced, I'm afraid the past had ample incidents of less than civil behavior on the part of members of my family, I hope you'll forgive those." Hermione understood the deeper meaning, she was apologizing for much more than a lack of an introduction. Hermione took her offered hand and said, "of course."

Harry and Narcissa barely spoke, both being afraid if their eyes met too much would show. But Harry and Draco both genuinely enjoyed playing with Teddy until Teddy got tired and Draco laid the baby on his shoulder and rubbed the tiny back until Teddy's soft cheek fell onto his shoulder and his hair paled to the color of the sky.

Harry thought this was a good time to excuse themselves and he and Hermione got up to leave. He shook hands awkwardly with Narcissa greeting her as "Mrs. Malfoy" and hugged 'Dromeda and then he and Hermione made their departure just outside the garden gate.

Draco was still glowing with affection as in secret, he really loved children. Narcissa stroked his head and he looked up at her. 'Dromeda bustled about the kitchen putting away teacups and said brightly over her shoulder, "you really will make a great father Draco, it really shows."

Narcissa said softly, "Well, we'll see, Draco takes after his Headmaster."

Draco hissed, "mother!" but she only looked at him. 'Dromeda paused only a moment realizing what Narcissa meant then said, "well, no matter, you can adopt."

Draco handed off Teddy to his aunt and he and his mother left to do some shopping in Diagon Alley.


	8. Chapter 8

"There were pools that dreamed

Black and unruffled; there were white lilies"

-from "Two Loves" by Lord Alfred Douglas

note: I felt it only appropriate that having introduced Draco's gayness that I honor that in this chapter's poem quote, this is the poem from which is taken the famous line "the love that dare not speak its name", for this chapter it pertains to more than just gay versus straight, but instead includes a larger context of love, especially love versus appearance of it.

Harry was watching the morning sun move slowly through the shining kitchen at Grimmauld Place while Kreacher busied himself with breakfast. The kitchen was full of delicious smells; bacon, eggs, toast, butter and fresh squeezed orange juice. Kreacher was as cheerful as he had been when Harry, Ron and Hermione had stayed there before the war.

Suddenly, Harry had an odd thought. "Kreacher," Harry began thoughtfully, "you said those were your forebears on the wall in the hall, correct?"

"Yes master, Kreacher's father and his father before him, we have long served the Noble House of Black." Kreacher gave Harry a quizzical look.

"So, do house elves marry and have families?"

Kreacher turned and looked at Harry slowly in surprise, "Master asks strange questions today." Kreacher looks a bit suspicious of Harry's sudden interest in the personal lives of elves. He answered slowly, "but yes, elves marry, but wizards do not honor the marriages of elves."

Harry thought about how Kreacher had been bequeathed to Harry against Kreacher's own will and gave an involuntary shudder. "Did you ever have a wife or family?" he asked softly.

"Yes." Kreacher said narrowing his eyes, "Kreacher's wife is Dolly, sir, but Dolly was given away as a wedding gift soon after we paired."

"And you never remarried?" Harry asked.

"House elves mate for life, master."

"Oh," Harry blurted stupidly, "where did Dolly go?"

"She was given to the Malfoys on their wedding, she lives at Malfoy Manor still." Kreacher said, his ears drooping sadly.

Harry had an idea. He asked, "You know Mrs. Malfoy, right?" Kreacher nodded and Harry went on while picking an apple out of the fruit bowl on the table and transfiguring it. "Kreacher, I want you to go to Mrs. Malfoy and ask if you can serve her household so that you can be reunited with your wife, I'm sure she'll understand."

Kreacher looked at Harry puzzled, "it's too late to start a family, master, you'd not gain any benefit from this." Harry admired the golden rose he had transfigured the apple into.

"That's not important, Kreacher, give her this message and this rose for me, please. But find her alone!"

\\\

Narcissa was sitting at her vanity after her morning bath combing her hair when the pop behind her caught her attention. Seeing the old elf she greeting him, "hello Kreacher, what brings you here?"

"My master has sent me to you, Madam. He asks that..." for the first time in his long life Kreacher's voice failed him and tears swam in his bulbous eyes

Narcissa prompted gently, "yes...go on." He looked up at her and handed her the rose.

Then cleared his throat and said in barely more than a whisper, "Master has asked if I may be reunited with my wife, Dolly, who serves in this Manor. Master says to give Miss Cissy the message, 'it's never too late to be happy' Madam." Then he bowed low.

She stared at the rose and then at the elf before her in wonder before saying, "Of course Kreacher, go to her."

The world is changing, she thought.

She dressed simply and went to walk in the yard, her eyes drawn to the proud white peacocks strutting about in contrast to the rich deep green of the perfect lawn. Perfect...but there was something bothering her. She walked around back to the coop where the hens were kept locked up. They were a dull dove grey and so Lucius insisted that only the males were allowed to roam freely, the enchanted gate on the coop keeping females in. She pointed her wand and muttered, "finite" and one by one soft grey birds ventured out of the coop and began to explore. The males seemed to appreciate this new audience and began to dance. It was brilliantly chaotic and Narcissa loved it.

Lucius stormed into the library where she was reading that afternoon, "How did the hens get loose?" he demanded.

She said simply, "I let them out."

He glared at her, "You're getting out of line, woman!"

She fixed him with a cold look and said cuttingly, "is that so."

He had no answer but his mouth worked in impotent fury before he slammed the library door shut and left.


	9. Chapter 9

"Till silence fell with the waking bird,

And a hush with the setting moon."-Tennyson

Narcissa paced the library, still feeling the echo of the slammed door. She felt much more distraught than she would ever let Lucius see. Finally she whispered softly, "Kreacher?" and the old house elf popped into existence right beside her.

"Yes, Miss Cissy?" It had not been Harry's intention, but it was too opportune not to avail herself of the elf's ability.

"You can go to where Harry is, can't you?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes, madam, though I am not secret-keeper and cannot tell you where he goes, I can go to him there. Would you like me to do so?" His ears drooped just a little when he asked this as though afraid his reunion with his beloved was to be short-lived.

She was quick to reassure him, "Please just go to him and tell him I want to see him, then come right back with his answer, ok?"

With a pop he disappeared. She didn't have to wait long, soon Kreacher returned with a small slip of paper which read:

"Come by floo to number 12 Grimmauld Place whenever you wish

love,

Harry

P.S.- destroy this note after you memorize the above address"

She read it over three times then laid it in the grate and pointed her wand, saying "incendio" and watched the parchment curl, turn black then finally alight in flame and quickly was reduced to ashes which she spread out with a poker to render invisible.

She grabbed some powder from the jar on the mantel and stepped into the hearth. Soon she was spinning through sitting rooms and store fronts until finally coming to rest in a green flash in a bright, warm kitchen. Harry's arms were around her almost before she was even out of the fireplace.

"Thank you for letting me come, Harry," she began.

"Oh no worries, I just had to kick out all the other girlfriends, you know..." then he noticed her face and was quick to add, "um, joking! That was just a joke. Narcissa, there is no other woman for me." He took her face in his hands and kissed her to accentuate his point. "With the way I think about you constantly, I wouldn't have time." He smiled sort of ruefully.

She smiled and said, "I'm sorry, it's just, we've never talked about it, have we? I mean, it's not as though I have any proper claim upon you. I'm married, miserably though it may be, and I have difficulty imagining what sort of future we could have. Oh, but Harry, when I see your face, I can't imagine not being with you!" She flung her arms around him and he knew his shoulder was wet without having to see her tears.

He led her to the couch in the sitting room and they curled up together. "Narcissa," he stroked her hair and spoke softly, "as far as I am concerned, everything about you is practically...miraculous. I can't even imagine being happier than I am with you, it's like stealing time from some normal bloke's life. I don't know what the future holds and I don't know how we'll get there, but however it turns out, I hope it's with you in my life for good."

"Really?" She turned to him, her eyes pleading. "I don't know if I can leave Lucius, he could become dangerous. And what if he makes it so I can't see my son?"

"Draco is of age," Harry furrowed his brow, "he can't prevent you from seeing him." But still she looked frightened. "Well, for now, you can come here whenever you want and we'll take it slow, alright?"

She leaned in and kissed his lips slowly, as though proving to herself through her sense of touch that he was really there. Really real. She touched his face gently and he held her.

After some time they got to talking about the house and the Black family legacy. He found her stories about her ancestors fascinating. With a tiny pang of sadness, he wished he could have had Sirius and his own parents in on that kind of talk. He mentioned how much he wished he could have asked all the people who he'd known so many questions. He mentioned how Dumbledore had said magic leaves traces and he wished he could ask how. At that she brightened up and turned to him.

"Oh, that's easy, I can show you that one." She stood up and offered her hand. He took it and stood beside her. She said, "now you stand here and close your eyes, I'm going to cast a charm, it's just a protection charm so here it really won't be doing anything, but then I'll lead you blindly to let you feel where I cast it, alright?"

He grinned, "Awesome, alright. Have a go, then!" and he closed his eyes.

"Better cover your ears too," she added moving to a different spot in the room. He did and she swished her wand softly muttering an incantation. Then Harry felt her arms on his waist from behind, guiding him around the room. She crooned in his ear, "When we rely on what our eyes tell us, often it becomes far too easy to overlook those things we simply know but cannot see."

He had his hands out blindly groping the air around him for some indefinable something that he could only guess what it might be. It seemed ages that they had slowly moved around the room, with her guiding him. At first he was afraid he would trip, but soon found himself relaxing and letting her just guide him. Then suddenly it was as though his hands could smell color or his eyes could feel sound, there was a soft shimmer behind him and he know that was her magic signature. He 'aimed' this new sense away from her and almost 'saw' the same shimmer like a wall of heat rising but cool and soft and he moved right to it. Once his hand was on it, he could smell pink in his hands and feel the sound of tinkling rose petals dropping softly and silently before him.

"Here." he said confidently. He could almost feel her face warm up by her smile and he opened his eyes and she kissed him. "Very good, Harry."


	10. Chapter 10

"She is coming, my dove, my dear

she is coming, my life, my fate..."-Tennyson

Narcissa led Harry up the stairs to the second floor bedroom by the hand. She looked back at him and smirked suggestively, chuckling, "I think I have an idea..."

At the bedroom she turned to him and asked, "Do you trust me?"

He answered sincerely, "I trust you." She twirled her wand downwards and a length of black silk slipped out with a whisper and fell to the wooden floor. She caught it up and removing Harry's glasses, tied the silk strap over his eyes.

For a moment he stood there waiting, wondering what she was doing. Then he tried sensing her magic and found her nearby. Then he heard the sound of cloth and smiled to himself. She took his hand in hers and guided it to her now bare breast. He caressed her skin, marveling at the softness and the way it felt to have her nipple firm up under his fingers. He leaned in and nuzzled her neck.

She giggled, "What are you doing?"

He sighed, "Mmm, you smell good." She just laughed and started taking off his clothes slowly while he stroked any part of her that came within reach of his hands. The sound of her breathing had him entranced. She led him to the bed and guided him onto it telling him to lie down and not move. Without being able to see, he could focus much more on the feeling of her, the sounds of their skin touching, the sound of her hair falling over his face. The scent of her hair was different from her neck and he liked that too. She was straddling his waist and he could feel the heat and dampness of her sex just over his tummy. The knowledge of her there and her hands moving over his chest was accentuated by the sound of her mouth opening followed by a hot tongue circling his nipple. She blew across his nipple then and the chill gave him shivers.

She moved down and his eager organ strained to reach her body even as he squirmed. She just laughed, holding him down and dipping her tongue into his bellybutton, tickling him. She traced the line from there all the way down into his hair and inhaled deeply. He felt her nails graze lightly over his sack and the skin involuntarily shift and contract. He moaned and her warm breath bathed his cock making him struggle to remain her willing prisoner.

She chuckled, a deep husky sound from her throat, "Do I need to tie you down Harry?"

He gasped and she took that for a yes and quickly grabbed her wand from the bedside table, dangling her breasts on his chest as she did so. He moved to hold her waist but she waved her wand and all four limbs were securely, though not tightly, bound to the bedposts. "There," she laughed, "now you'll behave!" Harry just moaned again, his groin tightening in anticipation and need.

"Now, where was I?" she teased him, "ah, yes..." her voice trailed off as she licked the length of his member eliciting a new moan and bout of squirming, but he was helpless. He had a huge grin on his face and he confessed sheepishly, "If you do that, I'm not sure how long I can hold out!"

Then he felt the weight of her feet beside his hips and for a moment she was still. "Find my magic, Harry," she whispered seductively. He did and he could feel everyplace she had touched him as though her touches had painted him with fluorescent paint. Then he saw her core light up and lower itself to his. At the same time as he felt her hot muscles wrapping around him, her thighs come to rest by his hips and her hands by his neck, he felt their magics blend and merge like a kaleidoscope of light and color. He felt her move against him and saw in the darkness of the blindfold how their energies collided, danced, merged, moved around in swirls and then came together in a stream as his orgasm built up, he felt hers moving along, like two waves from different directions about to crash together on a common shore.

His heat and light spilled into her and her sweetness and softness poured into him and they were one pulsing magic for a moment. Then slowly their magic disentangled even as their bodies were still joined. She slipped the blindfold off him and he met her eyes and felt like he was drifting into her. Like for a moment, he could see into her soul.

"I love magic" he gasped in awe. Narcissa just smiled and laid her head on his chest and rested with him. Finally she languidly reached for her wand again and released the ropes on him. He held her a long time.

/

Narcissa was humming a bit when she finally floo-ed home. She felt like dancing and she probably stepped out of the fireplace a bit too mirthfully as she nearly tripped. Then her eyes fell upon the brooding figure in the armchair. The dis-sheveled long hair, the unshaven face, the mostly empty bottle in his hand and she froze in her tracks.

Slurring his words, Lucius demanded scathingly, "and just where have you been?"


	11. Chapter 11

"He sets the jewel-print of your feet

In violets blue as your eyes, "- Tennyson

"Lucius" the word fell from her mouth as much an accusation as a greeting. He stood, swaying a bit on his feet and staggered over to her, looking down at her with narrowed eyes.

"I believe I asked you a question," he clearly enunciated each word and she felt herself to be shrinking before his glare. Narcissa swallowed hard and licked her suddenly dry lips.

"I was out, what is it to you?" She turned her face away from his reeking breath.

He reached over clumsily and grabbed her hair in his hand, his silver rings catching and pulling it tight in his fist. "Well, maybe I want to play with you, woman." He held her face close to his and said very softly by her ear, "you remember when Rudolphus's cock was in your ass while I fucked you? I bet you liked that, didn't you?" Lucius ignored her shudder and went on, leering at her, "I remember how you cried so prettily, you always cry so prettily. I love to watch you cry." Then he slammed his mouth onto hers and forced his tongue into her mouth. She nearly gagged. She was immobilized for a moment by terror and shame and by his roughness, but then went calm inside and remembering Harry's touch, she drew her wand up and blasted Lucius back from her with a silent hex.

He fell back against a bookshelf and stared at her dumbfounded. She drew up her full height and set her jaw and seethed through clenched teeth, "No. You will never touch me again." Then she ran to her dressing room and shut the door, quickly turning the lock. She knew he was too drunk to figure out a simple lock, but even still her heart was pounding.

She flung herself down in front of her vanity and poured water into the silver basin and washed her smeared make-up and fixed her hair with trembling hands.

She was in Draco's bed even before he was and she didn't say a word, just lay silently beside her son wishing she could take him far away from that house and its years of layered memories, secrets, and lies. She fell asleep with tears still streaming silently into her hair, though she made no sound. She had learned how to cry silently so long ago.

/

In the morning Lucius didn't come to breakfast and Narcissa was glad of it. She ate quickly and went to her library to be alone awhile. She stared through the windows out at the bright world so in contrast to the dark interior of Malfoy Manor it seemed almost obscene to be that bright when she felt so bleak inside.

Just then a tawny owl flew in the window beside her and there was a note from Harry. Hogwarts had completed its reconstruction and was offering a summer session for those students whose last year was interrupted by the war. He'd be gone for two months. Her stomach seemed to fall through the floor.

Narcissa felt her eyes burn with tears again, but ran to the hearth and to Harry as fast as she could. She wouldn't beg him to stay no matter how badly she wanted to, but she could spend every minute he had until he left in his company. A small comfort in the face of two months of separation, but it was all she could bear to think of.

As soon as Harry saw her face he knew there was more than his school that was bothering her. He got her to sit down, made her tea on his own, which turned out lukewarm and too weak, but she drank it anyway because he had made it.

And then she began to talk.

Once she started, it was like she couldn't stop. Everything from her life from her cruel mother and sister to the ways Bellatrix and Lucius had ganged up on her using her as "entertainment" for various Death Eaters, even Voldemort had watched at least once. She hated herself even saying it, but Harry remained quiet, his expression never wavering except to show concern. He held her hand and produced a tissue for her when she needed it. It was a long day as there had been so much to tell.

Finally as the sun was setting, she had cried herself out and finished telling Harry everything. He hugged her and reassured her that she had no reason to be ashamed, but said that Lucius might not be so lucky if Harry ever saw him. He told her to stay at Grimmauld place while he graduated and they called Kreacher and Dolly both to help her and keep her safe. She sent word to Draco that she was leaving his father and that she'd be sure to come to graduation in two months.

They took a long hot bath together while the elves made a sumptuous feast for them. Narcissa was both exhausted and ravenous from the emotional release.

The elves were quite agreeable to the new arrangement and Harry and Narcissa retired to Sirius' room where they had one long sweet night of cuddling.

In the morning Harry promised to write and visit every weekend and he set off alone to Kings Cross Station feeling apprehensive about this final term at school.


	12. Chapter 12

"What in my mad heart was my greatest desire,

Who was it now that must feel my allurements,"-From Hymn to Aphrodite by Sappho

author's note: yes, I'm horrible, I did mean things to my beloved Narcissa and now life will get complicated for Harry.

The Great Hall was nearly empty. Those few who had been invited to this special session were gathered at just one table, there not being enough in their final year to fill more. There would be no official House competitions and instead of normal Quidditch there would be representatives from the international teams offering tryouts on weekends for those not going into Hogsmeade.

Filtch was looking scandalized as Headmistress McGonagall made announcements which left him very little to do. Since all the students were of age, this session was offering specialized classes, tutoring and professional opportunities. Hermione was beside herself looking over the class offerings.

"Magical Painting, Harry, can you believe it? Look at this? Ooh and the old Astronomy tower has been replaced with an observatory. What will you take?" She was gushing over the paper that listed what was available that summer.

"Oh, uh, yeah, painting sounds good, sure." He was distracted by a pair of blue eyes he occasionally caught across the table at an angle. Again it was like she was there but she wasn't, he know it was Draco. He wondered why was Draco glancing back at him. He furrowed his brow.

Ron chimed in with a mouthful of treacle tart, "Anything's better than Divination, I reckon."

"Yeah" Harry murmured, his mind wandering.

Even with plenty of classes, workshops with Ministry professionals, and Quidditch practice, Harry still found time to pour out his heart in letters to Narcissa. He shared all his memories of Hogwarts, even confessing his fears about the Sorting Hat wanting to put him in Slytherin. Her responses were equally heartfelt and detailed letters every day, surprising him in one by confessing that the Sorting Hat had wanted to put her into Hufflepuff! He laughed in delight at her confession.

Just then a familiar voice sneered behind him, "Got yourself a girlfriend, Potter?" Draco was apparently attempting to make up for the Prophet picture by making a show of hostility.

Ron spat back, "Yeah, Malfoy, your mum." Harry blanched and clutched Narcissa's letter to his chest terrified either Draco would recognize the writing or Ron might catch on that he'd been inadvertently correct.

Draco simply shook his head and snarled, "Oh very funny Weasley." and stalked out. Harry wasn't sure why but he ran after Draco and called to him.

Once alone in the hall Draco's hostile look melted into one of sadness and weariness. Harry blurted out, "I'm sorry about him, he's just being a git." Of course Harry couldn't let on that he knew Draco's parents had split, nor that he, Harry knew her current whereabouts while Draco did not. But still he felt a need to somehow make it better for him, if he could.

Draco looked at the floor and said, "well...um...do you?"

"What?" Harry was caught off guard.

"you know," Draco sighed and shrugged, "do you have a girlfriend?"

"Oh," for a moment Harry had no idea how to answer. "Uh...sort of...I mean...I guess, well...really, uh...it's kinda complicated."

"Right," Draco nodded trying to look casual and failing, "yeah, ok, great. OK, see ya, Harry." Draco turned and stalked swiftly from the hall leaving Harry wondering what on earth had just happened.

He decided it would be safer to read Narcissa's letters in his dorm when no one was looking, just to be sure.

/

Art class proved to be more interesting than Harry had imagined and just like with flying, he discovered a magic he had a natural proficiency for. Based on his performance, the professor of Art, Remok Vynea had invited Harry, Hermione and three others for a life drawing session one evening.

Harry had been filling her in some on his relationship. Certain things he felt were private, of course, but he got the general idea across. Hermione was less disapproving but still felt that it could be a very bad idea to tangle with the Malfoys. As they walked into the darkened classroom a lone pale figure sat proudly nude on a bench in a spotlight. The body was breathtakingly beautiful, lithe, strong and fair.

Both Harry and Hermione sucked in their breath in shock at the sight of Draco Malfoy posing for their class.

"He looks like an angel," whispered Hermione and she gulped. "But don't you ever tell him I said that!"

"Yeah," breathed Harry, barely audible. Bright blue eyes met his just then and he wasn't sure why he was the one blushing, Harry wasn't sitting naked on a bench in a spotlight, but he also couldn't tear his eyes away either. A small smirk played at the corner's of Draco's mouth. He was in some ways, so like his mother and yet, so very not.

Harry was interrupted in his reverie by Professor Vynea telling the class to get out their sketchpads and begin with charcoal to approximate the human form as demonstrated before them. Harry's hands shook but he carefully reconstructed in careful form the perfection that was Draco.

At the end of class Draco slipped on a loose robe and smiled flirtatiously at Harry as he sauntered from the room. Harry dropped his charcoal and had to fumble on the floor to find it. When he got up he found Hermione giving him a very stern look.

"Harry!" she mouthed silently, "you can't fancy him! You're dating his mother!"

Harry swallowed and felt his face burn. He went to bed feeling again, very conflicted. It felt like a punchline to a very dirty joke and he couldn't shake the feeling as Draco's smirk swam before his eyes that the joke was on him.

/

3 to Eryk


	13. Chapter 13

"blades of grass that in a hundred springs had been

Slowly but exquisitely nurtured by the stars,"-Lord Alfred Douglas

author's note: not so bad, I hope. But I will be going out of town for a day, so when I get back, I'll put up a nice long chapter for you all to enjoy.

The stars were whirling overhead dizzying and sparkling, like staring into eternity. The students rested back on soft chairs watching as the view shifted from one quadrant of the sky to another following the descriptions of the astronomy professor. Professor Sinstra seemed at home in this false night and had exclaimed how wondrous the chairs were.

"Muggle-made! They call it 'memory foam', though Mr. Weasley assures us that they don't really capture memories, nonetheless, pay attention lest you sink too deep into our lesson and find yourself dreaming amongst the stars." The warning had come in vain however as by the end of class snores were heard in several places. Harry looked around and caught a pale head suddenly rest back as though he had been looking but hadn't wanted to be caught.

Towards the end of the second week they were having a Hogsmeade trip and Harry was especially excited. Narcissa had agreed to meet him. She had sent an owl telling him to meet in front of the Hogs Head Inn at noon and they could slip away to talk. He had trouble thinking of anything else all that day.

Saturday morning came the confirming note from Narcissa at breakfast telling him how to recognize her cloak. He was smiling to himself when suddenly he noticed Draco staring at him. He got up to get ready but Draco followed him.

"Potter!" the angry voice caught up to him in the hall. "We need to talk." They went into an empty classroom and Harry asked him what this was about.

Draco's face worked itself, he was clearly upset. "Potter, tell me...are those letters..." his face got red, "are they...say they're not please," his voice cracked a bit.

"What?" asked Harry confused.

"That was my mother's owl, Potter. You're getting letters from my mother?" he shouted at him. Harry wanted desperately to be anywhere but in that classroom faced with that question. He saw the tears in Draco's eyes and wished he could sink into the floor at that moment. He couldn't tell Draco. But he couldn't look at his face and lie, either.

"Yes." he said finally.

Draco was crying outright now, sniffling and trying to wipe his nose, "You know where she is?" he finally said.

"Oh! Yeah, I lent her my house." Harry said, he thought it sounded stupid but it was in a sense, true. "My godfather, Sirius, was her cousin, she needed a place so I lent it to her so she'd be safe."

Draco suddenly and very unexpectedly hugged Harry, "Thank you, my god, thank you! You've no idea how worried I've been." Suddenly Draco's crying took on a different meaning. He had been scared for his mother.

Harry mumbled something about house elves knowing each other but Draco was barely listening. He was so relieved at this news, he was just crying and laughing all at once.

/

Harry grabbed his invisibility cloak just in case and stuffed it in his pocket. Hermione knew about the rendezvous but Ron kept asking nosy questions and Harry was running out of excuses for why he couldn't join Ron at this place or for that thing. Finally it was time and Harry went to a deserted side street and slipped on the cloak. He saw her standing by the entrance to the Hog's Head in a hooded cloak, formless and dark in the summer sun. He slipped up beside her and whispered, "Narcissa?"

She jumped and looked around and he said, "it's me Harry", taking her arm he led her to a place in the woods near the old ruins of the Shrieking Shack. As soon as they were alone, he pulled off the cloak and hugged her.

"I've missed you so much," he gasped and they kissed deeply. Then Harry thought of something and said, "Draco is worried, you should tell him you're ok yourself."

She looked at him and suddenly smiled, "Oh! My owl, of course, what did you tell him?"

Harry explained how his conversation had gone and she agreed it was best to keep it at that. Then they talked about classes and what he'd seen, heard, done and learned. He was telling her about art class when suddenly he stopped and his ears turned pink. She noticed and asked, "what, is there some pretty model posing for you?" He stammered a bit and finally blurted out, "it's Draco."

"Why are you blushing Harry?" she was enjoying teasing him. "You think my son is cute?"

He turned a deeper red and she surprised him by laughing. She laughed so hard she nearly fell over onto him. Finally she said, "you fancy him, don't you?"

Harry was becoming incensed, "What's so funny? It's not funny, it's awful, I can't, I just can't! Narcissa! Stop laughing!"

Finally she stopped and said, "It's fine Harry, after all, my first kiss was your mother. Just, don't hurt him, OK? I trust you'll do the right thing."

He stared at her then hugged her close. "I do think he's quite beautiful, but it's you I love. I can't give him what he wants." he finally confessed.

"It'll be alright, Harry. You'll see. By the way, I've begun divorce proceedings with Lucius. Soon it will be safe for all of us to be who and what we are. My son will find the right man for him, just as I finally have." Her eyes were twinkling and she seemed more beautiful to him than ever.

"I really do love you, Narcissa." and he held her as long as time would allow before heading back to Hogwarts with a kiss and a promise to meet at the next Hogsmeade weekend.

After that, Draco and Harry weren't quite friends, but they weren't enemies, they were far from strangers, but their connection was strange enough. They seemed to find a kind of understanding. Soon enough, Draco was getting sweets by owl from his mother while without his knowledge, Harry was getting love letters. Draco didn't ask what was in Harry's letters and Harry wasn't telling.


	14. Chapter 14

"Full of golden arrows bright,

Each a silver quiver."-Goethe "River Lilies"

_author's note: I can appreciate that there is some concern that I will suddenly shift this into a Draco/Harry slash. While I love slash and have at times written some, this is not that story. Draco will find love, yes, but Harry already has and he is not going to compromise that, no matter who he develops some superficial attraction for. I will make one thing clear though; Harry cannot choose Draco not because he could not love him or that same sex love is in any way less valid, real, or precious as other sex love, Harry's heart has already chosen and any challenges that lie in the path of that relationships success are only that, challenges along the path. Harry will not betray Narcissa. Narcissa trusts him, so please trust me. Draco's true happiness lies elsewhere._

so, shall we?

/

Harry and Hermione were sitting in the library fairly late. Curfews had been pushed back to midnight so they had some time in the hushed sanctuary of books and centuries of students whispers to add their secrets to the collective memories of Hogwarts.

"She laughed, Hermione," Harry explained, "it was almost like she had expected that I'd feel something. I dunno, almost relieved, but why?"

"Maybe she knew something about him that you didn't?" Hermione chewed her lip in thought. "You're going to have to talk to him, he's been watching you when you're not looking. You have to let him down gently, but do it soon, Harry!"

Little did they know that they sat on the exact spot where so many years before, Narcissa herself had first felt the confusing pangs of desire which had come to shape her life in so many ways.

"He'll think you're rejecting his interest because he's a guy, Harry. You have to tell him the truth." she insisted.

The conversation was interrupted, however by a very unexpected face popping around the end of a bookshelf, red-faced and out of breath.

"There you are, Harry!" panted Arthur Weasley. "So sorry to be so late, well, late and late but then when dealing with the late," he chuckled at his inside joke, "no matter, sorry, what I mean is, Harry, I've been looking for you, I need to have a word if you please." Seeing the questions on Harry's and Herione's faces he added, "the Headmistress has let us use her office, and yes Hermione, come along as well."

On the way to the Headmistress' office Harry blurted out, "Congratulations of becoming Minister, Mr. Weasley!"

"Ah, thanks, Harry!" Mr. Weasley said brightly.

They got into the office and McGonagall stepped out to have some tea. They all sat down and Mr. Weasley again began to apologize in a flustered way. "I realize we are long overdue o this, I hope you'll overlook it, but we didn't get to these until recently, there's been so much going on!"

Hermione broke in, "Mr. Weasley, what is this about?"

He stopped and looked at her before pulling out a parchment from his jacket pocket and holding it up. "This," he said with intensity, "much to our surprise when we found it Harry, but, well, it's the Last Will and Testament of Severus Snape."

Harry sat there stunned. He had given his testimony after the war that had cleared Snape's name and even attended the tiny funeral that he had arranged out of his own pocket, but this was yet one reminder of the events of the war.

"Sorry," Harry began gingerly, "but what's that to do with me?"

"He's left you everything, Harry."

Hermione gasped audibly. Mr. Weasley caught himself and amended, "agh, yes, well, not quite everything, Hermione, he's left you this." Arthur handed her a small box. She opened it to find an opaque crystal tabled, a bamboo paint brush and a block of what looked to be black ink. She was beyond stunned and sat with her mouth open.

"But, Mr. Weasley, I don't understand, Snape hated Hermione!" he exclaimed.

"Apparently he thought quite highly of her, Harry. There's a note in here. That tablet is a magical index of every wizarding book ever written. You use the ink and brush, write out the topic or question and the tablet tells you the title, author and current whereabouts of the book or books that will answer you."

Hermione's eyes widened, but Harry spoke, "brilliant!"

Slowly Hermione composed herself and said softly, "So, Mr. Weasley, um...what all was left to Harry?"

"Spinners' End."

/

PS- I was going to wrote a longer bit when I got back in town but a migraine caught up with me, give me just a bit then and I'll get back into my swing shortly. And thank you all for reading and reviewing. much love to Eryk, always!


	15. Chapter 15

"Spare me, O queen, this agony and anguish,

Crush not my spirit."-Sappho

"Blimey, Harry, what're you going to do with another house?" Ron sat back on the couch in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room, stunned with this new development. Hermione had suggested that it was time to let Ron in on the current state of affairs, so to speak.

"Dunno," harry muttered, "I can't even imagine what sort of things Snape would have kept at his house."

"Books." Hermione stated simply, "lots of them," she added looking up at Harry, "nearly every subject I've written onto the tablet has listed at least one title as being located at Spinner's End."

"Fantastic, Hermione, you can go with me when I check it out!" Harry brightened. "I did sort of wonder if he had kept things that had to do with my mum. I mean, they were friends throughout most of their time here, maybe they passed notes or something."

"Oh Harry," Hermione breathed, "I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right, he would have kept those things. And you know, then you should also bring...um..._her_." Hermione looked at Harry pointedly.

"Her?" Ron asked, "Harry? What 'her'?"

Harry fidgeted a bit then took a deep breath and blurted out, "Ron, I'm in a relationship."

Ron narrowed his eyes and considered Harry, "With who? I thought, you know, you'd wait for Ginny?"

Hermione jumped him, "Now Ron, he hasn't wanted to tell you because we thought you might get upset..."

Ron stood up and glared, "Upset? Why would I get upset, haven't got any other sisters, who could I possibly object to Harry dating?" he shouted.

Harry stammered nervously, "I didn't expect this to happen, Ron, but...it did..."

Ron interrupted, "Relationships don't just 'happen' Harry, bloody hell, just who've you been seeing anyway?"

Hermione mumbled darkly, "I think it could be said that Lavender Brown certainly did just 'happen' to you..."

But Harry looked right at Ron and said, "I'm in love with Narcissa Malfoy." Then gulped to wait for Ron's response. Ron's mouth just dropped open and for a minute he stared at Harry as though Harry had just said he'd taken the Dark Mark.

"You're barking!" Ron finally said.

"Um, yeah," Harry nodded with a sheepish smile, "Probably."

"She's a Malfoy, Harry...that's just not right," Ron looked a bit queasy.

"Actually," Hermione chimed in, "technically she's a Black, like Sirius was, well, her mother was a Rosier..."

"Rosier?" Harry turned to her sharply, "They were all Death Eaters, the Rosiers...she mentioned her mother being cruel." Harry stared at the floor. Hermione had begun to pace.

"That's an odd thing, Harry, I've been reading about some of the histories of the Wizarding families, the Rosier's name was originally the Rosacrucia, but it was changed. The only other mention I can find lists 'Rosier' as a demon of evil love."

Ron muttered darkly, "maybe that explains something..."

"Don't!" Harry shouted, "Don't say anything against Narcissa." Ron raised his eyebrows and shrugged as though he felt it useless to argue with a madman.

/

A week had passed since the last Life Drawing session and Harry had been trying to prepare himself mentally for the next one. He told himself it was no different than admiring a statue at a museum or a painting. He told himself that but couldn't help but gasp when he saw Draco there again in the spotlight, the warmth of the light making him seem to glisten.

Worse, Draco had seemed to notice Harry's appreciative gaze and winked at him. Harry fumbled with his pastels. When he'd gotten them back in their box alright he looked around the room, anything to take his eyes away from that look Draco was giving him. His eyes fell upon a nearby canvass. Another student had apparently also thought Draco looked angelic and had even drawn on large white wings. This student had already mastered the magic that gave graceful movement to the image as the wings slowly flapped open and closed and the paper-Draco looked down bashfully then looked up invitingly. The artist turned and saw Harry appreciating his work.

"Oh, hi, Harry," Neville greeted him shyly. "Nice class, huh?"

"Yeah," Harry gasped, "Neville, that's really good!"

Draco had noticed their chat and came over to see. Neville was blushing deeply but when Draco saw himself as depicted by Neville he just stared.

Neville waited for what felt like an eternity before Draco finally spoke, "that_ is _good," he offered Neville a weak and tentative smile then went back to his bench to pose. Neville packed up his things very quickly at the end of class and left in a rush.

Draco slipped on his robe wordlessly and went over to Harry. "Who knew Longbottom had such a creative side, eh?" he said sitting on a desk next to Harry. It was clear by the way he spoke and sat that he was flirting with Harry openly. Hermione mouthed, "I think I'll be going" and left them alone.

"Well, he is a good dancer..." Harry offered awkwardly.

Draco was looking him up and down with interest. It made Harry's insides squirm a bit. Reaching over to brush a strand of hair from Harry's forehead, Draco crooned, "I've decided it's time to stop hiding, Harry. I can see how you look at me, admit it: you like me."

Harry's stomach fluttered at the soft touch. "Yes, Draco. I do, I won't lie. But it's too late."

Draco scowled, "What do you mean, we're still young, I'm not ashamed anymore..."

"It's not that!" Harry pleaded, "Draco, why couldn't you have plucked up the courage to approach me years ago...we could have..." Harry felt truly awful as the weight of what could have been settled in his chest like another death.

"We could have?" Draco looked confused, "why not now?"

Harry faced Draco and looked in his eyes, his own filling with tears, "I really do wish, but there's someone else now, I can't hurt her."

It was hardly more than a breath, "who?"

Harry smiled sadly, a single tear slipping from his eye, "People always say I have my mother's eyes; well, Draco, so do you." Harry's eyes begged Draco to understand, to forgive, to not be as hurt as Harry knew he would be. Draco backed away from him, his face stony. "I'm sorry" Harry whispered. But Draco had turned away and walked out leaving Harry to feel the full loss of the beautiful life he might have had with the man he now had to once again turn down.


	16. Chapter 16

"Who was the fair one that must be persuaded,

Who wronged thee Sappho?"-Sappho, "Hymn to Aphrodite"

The common room was empty except for Hermione who sat curled in an armchair with a book waiting for him. Harry was glad to see her and flopped onto the couch by her.

"How'd it go?" she asked gently then saw the tears on Harry's face.

"I'm always hurting him, Hermione!" Harry exclaimed with distress, "it was exactly like that time in the bathroom with the 'sectumsempra', it was that all over again, Hermione! Standing there helpless, watching him suffer, knowing I'd caused it, wishing I could take it all back...all of it. When we were young," he sniffled and went on, "he seemed to have everything and he acted like such a prat, it was easy to decide to hate him. So easy. I knew deep down I secretly liked him, but I assumed he hated me, I assumed he would reject me so I rejected him right off so he'd never get the chance. I assumed...I assumed so much." Harry seemed winded. "I never dreamed he was doing the same...covering hurt with hate. I never dreamed his life was as hard as mine or that it was all an act. I never dreamed...and now the one good thing he had; his mum, now he'll feel I've stolen that from him too! Hermione, it isn't fair! Why is it always Draco who gets hurt the worst?" He cried.

"Harry, you can't blame yourself." Hermione went and sat beside him, putting her arm around him.

"I should have been a friend to him! I had you and Ron, while he had what? Crabbe? Goyle? Tell me you honestly think they had much to offer as friends, Hermione!" She shook her head sadly.

/

An extra large package came for Draco but he ignored it, tossing it in the bin after picking at his breakfast sullenly. He hardly spoke to anyone but went out to the Quidditch pitch as often as he could get away. Harry didn't try to talk to him, but had written out all his conflicting feelings to Narcissa. She told him to just give Draco time, that he'd be OK. Harry could only trust that she knew her son better than he did.

Harry kept busy with activities and had sessions on Auror work with Kingsley Shacklebolt, workshops on international Wizarding laws, and was invited to have a spot on the newly formulated Interracial Magical Representative Council, IMRC for short. Hermione had been invited to represent muggle-borns on the same council. Ron had been given a spot on the next season's line-up for Puddlemere United.

To add to Harry's excitement, he got a note saying that Narcissa was coming to see him for the next Hogsmeade trip. Harry was so happy he hardly had time to notice anything else going on in the castle. He barely slept the night before the visit. It had been a month since she had come up.

They met at the same place and walked to a secluded place. Harry couldn't wait. He covered her whole face with kisses and they clung to each other like moss on a tree. Their hands roamed each other freely and it was very difficult not to just strip and make love on the spot, but panting they broke apart, both knowing it was too risky to go too far in a place anyone could stumble upon.

They sat on the warm sunny grass and watched the birds flit from tree to tree while they Talked. Narcissa admitted she'd not been feeling well, but she thought it might be nerves as the first meeting of her lawyer with Lucius' was coming up that week. They talked about getting Ministry protection for her in case he seemed hostile. She didn't want a hassle but Harry had an uneasy feeling about it.

Again they waited as long as they could before Harry had to head back, taking their leave with kisses and promises to keep writing. Harry calling back to her, "Stay safe! I love you!"

/

Graduation was coming soon and preparations were under way. The castle was hosting the families of the graduating students and so was filling up day by day. Harry suddenly had a horrifying thought: what if Lucius showed up for his son's graduation? What if Narcissa came too? But each day he looked around and Draco still sat alone.

By that friday, a week before graduation, he saw Draco running up to him, "Potter!" Harry looked up and saw terror on Draco's face and ran to him.

"It's my mother! She's at St. Mungo's, my father attacked her at the legal office, he tried to strangle her, come up, McGonagall says we can portkey to see her." Harry's stomach dropped but he followed Draco to the Headmistress' office.

McGonagall gave Harry a querying look but said simply, "I'm not going to ask why Draco has insisted you accompany him, Harry, but go and I hope everything is alright."

Harry's eyes met Draco's for the first time since their last conversation as he felt the tug behind his navel, but was surprised to see no animosity in Draco's eyes, only concern. He thought, whatever happens, I _will _try to be his friend, I owe him that much after all this.

The next moment was a blur as the two boys were led to Narcissa's bed where she lay sedated, dark purple bruises circling her throat. Harry slumped into a chair beside her and Draco sat by her side and took her hand. The Healer said softly, "She's out of danger for the time being and we've requested security to be placed for her. She should come around in a bit." and then the Healer left them alone with her.


	17. Chapter 17

"rara avis in terris nigroque simillima cygno"-Juvenal (translated: "a bird so rare in the land as to be like the black of a swan")

Harry stared at Narcissa. He felt as though there could never possibly be enough time to simply see her, look at her, study her features; learn her by heart. He watched the tiny lines by her eyes that twitched as her eyelids fluttered in her sleep. His eyes caressed her high cheekbones, her long straight nose, the curve of her upper lip that even in sleep seemed to suggest an endearing smirk. He looked at the fragile skin under her jawline and shuddered at the purple and blue of the bruises. How anyone could touch that delicate slender neck with intent to harm, Harry couldn't fathom. It seemed unreal. For a moment she seemed far too ethereal a beauty to exist in reality. A cold terror that she could truly be lost to him clutched his gut with an iron grip.

Draco, perched on the side of her bed leaned in and kissed his mother's brow. "Mother," he whispered with such tenderness that tears sprang to Harry's eyes, "Mother, we're here. Harry and I are here." She shifted a bit and made a sound. Then her eyes flew open, her face taking on a sudden look of fear before relaxing at the sight of her son.

"It's alright, mother." Draco stroked her hand. A Mediwizard came in silently and stood by the far side of her bed. Lifting his wand to her throat, he seemed to siphon off the bruising with it until finally she gasped and breathed a bit deeper and the mark was gone.

The Mediwizard said, "I've fixed the damage to her esophagus, fortunately for her and the baby, she wasn't deprived of air very long."

Narcissa gasped audibly and Draco and Harry both stared at the Mediwizard and asked in unison, "baby?"

Narcissa sighed and whispered, "So it's true then. I _am_ pregnant."

For a long moment Draco and Harry both sat in stunned silence. The Mediwizard wasn't sure what to make of the situation but could tell the witch's condition had been a surprise to all of them and so left them to sort out their situation in private.

Silently, she had begun to cry until Narcissa looked at her son and sobbed, "I'm sorry, Draco...I'm so sorry..."

Draco hugged her saying, "Don't, mother, don't upset yourself. This is not your fault! I don't want you to be hurt by Father anymore." He saw her eyes drift over to Harry and seem to brighten just by his being there. Draco glanced at Harry and seemed to resolve to himself that what his mother really needed right then was time alone with him. He set his jaw and kissed her cheek and said on his way out, "I'll be in the cafeteria..."

"Um," Harry began awkwardly, "how-how do you feel?" He took her hand in his. She smiled weakly.

"This wasn't quite how I wanted you to find out about our baby, Harry." she looked at him with so much love and longing in her eyes. He couldn't help but laugh a bit at her incongruous concern for others when her own life had so recently been in danger.

"I'm happy, Narcissa. I love you. I'll protect you from now on." he said, adding when he saw a flicker of panic in her eyes, "and Draco too. I won't let him be caught in the middle. Lucius won't get away with this."

She relaxed and lay back on the pillow.

/

Later Harry and Draco stood together in the hall before they had to go back to Hogwarts for the last couple days. Draco finally broke the silence, "This doesn't mean I'm ok with it, you know."

"Of course not," Harry sighed, "that would be crazy. This whole thing is crazy."

"But I want her to be happy."

"So do I."

"Good." Draco fixed him with a look that said he better make Narcissa happy or bloody well die trying. Harry already knew he'd give her the world if he could.

Harry noticed that Draco's hands were shaking. "Look, uh," Harry stammered, "Snape left me his house, but well, you can have it. I already have a house and it'd be safe for you and for her to see you there..."

Draco shook his head, "I don't need your house," he gulped and stared at the floor, "but I'll rent Snape's flat for a while, until I inherit the Manor, I'm not about to be indebted to Harry Potter. When my father finds out about the baby, he's going to think I did it."

Harry was floored, "What? Why?"

Draco looked up, "She's been sharing my bed since I was four, Harry. And he doesn't know about you. I knew she wasn't always coming home at night, but I never said anything. And he doesn't know I'm gay."

"oh," unsure quite what to make of that, he said slightly sarcastically, "that sounds...uh...healthy."

"Shut it, Potter!" Draco sneered, "you've no idea what she was protecting me from..."

Harry corrected himself and said, "Wait, yeah I do...on second thought, I'm glad to hear that. She probably saved you from unimaginable things." Draco curled his lip. He didn't like Harry knowing so much about his private home life.

They went back in to see her again before they had to leave. Draco grabbed Harry's arm at the door said said urgently, "Don't, you know, kiss her in front of me, got it?"

"Right, yeah, that'd be awkward." Harry managed a small smile.

They sat on each side of her holding her hands until she drifted back to sleep. They both promised to see her after graduation.

/

In the common room Harry sat with Ron and Hermione having told them about what had happened. Hermione was kind enough not to say "I told you so" but her eyes gave away that she'd known Lucius was dangerous. Ron was speechless, the whole situation was beyond his ken. Harry and Hermione had decided it was best not to fill Ron in on the Draco-being-gay bit.

"Harry," Hermione began thoughtfully, "I've been thinking." Ron and Harry exchanged looks as if to say this was not exactly news. She plowed on oblivious, "You said she mentioned redeeming her magic and the Black family. Well, her father was Cygnus Black according to the family tree..." she chewed her lip for a moment. Harry waited for there to be a point to this. "Well, it means Swan of Black, or black swan. It's something that wasn't supposed to exist, but did. So it means unknown possibilities. And, I'd always assumed she'd been named for the Greek myth of the boy who drowned after falling in love with his reflection. But you mentioned her and your mum both being flowers, so I did some reading. Daffodils were the flowers associated with the myth of Persephone; it's a story of renewal, Harry. Maybe she was named for a flower because her father wanted her to redeem their family?"

"But how?"

"I dunno." she sat down and they all stared at the empty grate.


	18. Chapter 18

"Saw a boy three lilies white,

Lilies in the river,"-Goethe

The graduation set up was unnervingly similar to Dumbledore's funeral. Harry felt somber but tried to keep that under wraps. Somehow the seating arrangement had placed him, Draco and Neville side by side. All three boys had worn white shirts, black trousers and a tie. Harry had the thought that there was an irony in that the three of them were all present without parents but all for different reasons.

Mr. Weasley gave a speech about the importance of bringing the Information Age to the Wizarding World, a "coalition of the best and brightest, whether wizard or werewolf, muggle or merperson, elf or equine, goblin or ghost; that the day had come for differences to be acknowledged, respected, but ultimately set aside in favor of allowing every unique individual live to their potential in a new world of cooperation and concern for others."

Hermione gave her valedictorian speech, which was brilliant and moving despite her days of fretting over it, and then one by one the students were granted their magical diplomas by Headmistress McGonagall. Harry briefly wished all those he loved could be there but was happy to see the Weasleys, happy when Kingsley presented him with his official notice that he'd been accepted to the Auror training program, and happy to think that the future held promises of things he'd only imagined as possible just a few short months back when he had marched seemingly to his death in the Forest nearby. It was a good day to be alive. Looking back at the castle, he silently thanked Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Lily Evans-Potter for his life and the life his child could now have.

/

On the train for the very last time, Harry thought about his life at Hogwarts and before. He sat opposite Hermione. She glanced out the window and said, "it feels strange to be going home."

This time Harry thought about Grimmauld Place and having Narcissa there and eventually a child and said, "yeah, I _am_ going home."

Then door to the compartment opened and Ron stumbled in looking much as he had after asking Fleur Delacour to the Yule Ball.

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked him.

"I've just seen Malfoy..."

"and...?" Harry prompted, already guessing where this was going.

"...with Neville! They were snogging, Harry!" Ron looked up at Harry in shock. Hermione just laughed and Harry smiled and said, "Well then, good for them!"

This gave Harry an idea. He walked down the corridor until he found the door to where the two boys sat side by side, wrapped in a heated embrace. Harry quietly slid open the compartment door and sat opposite them.

"So it's true, what they're saying...Draco Malfoy has come out of the closet."

Nevile broke apart from the kiss and looked startled but saw the warm smile Harry was giving them and grinned sheepishly.

"Listen," Harry turned to Draco suddenly serious, "many years ago, right here you offered your hand in friendship. Foolishly I refused. I'd like to rectify that error in judgment." He stood up and offered his hand to Draco.

Draco smirked and grasped his hand, "Alright then, Potter. You'll find that some Wizarding families are better than others...like yours." Draco pulled Harry into a hug.

Harry corrected him, "Ours, Draco. Our family, now."

Neville looked aghast at them. When Harry sat back down, Draco sat and wrapped his arm around Nevile with a flirtatious smirk and a waggle of his eyebrow.

"Draco, I think I'd like to marry your mum." Harry said simply. Neville's mouth fell open. Draco scowled.

"You can't."

"Why not?" Harry insisted, "I love her!"

"Because I'm not about to have a stepdad I've been fapping over since I was eleven!" Neville gave Draco a scandalized look but Draco shrugged at him and said, "what? tell me you've never done it!" Nevile blushed crimson and stared at the floor. Harry just laughed.

He made his way back to Hermione and Ron and filled them in. Hermione smiled at him and said, "Everything is going to change now, isn't it?"

Harry and Ron both nodded.

"Yeah." Harry said. He was already looking forward to bringing Narcissa home from St. Mungo's the following day.

/

love to Eryk and thanks!


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